Beauty from Ashes

A couple days ago, I was scrolling through Instagram, and came across a really sweet, dear friend’s feed. She had a plant that is sitting on top of a stack of books and with a post that said “Stop regarding man in whose nostril is breath, for what account is he?” –Isaiah 2:22 // realizing the depth of His jealousy for me & His genuine desire to be with me. If you want to know, too, read through the book of Isaiah.” 

Let’s back up a couple months. I have had a lot of changes come during this summer. I am a creature of habit and like to feel confident as to what will be coming next. I like schedules and a routine and orderliness; and let’s just say that this summer has been anything but that! I recently quit my job of almost two years, went out on a total leap of faith and did what I felt lead to do as an intern. With that came a pay cut, less hours, more time on my hands, and lots of chaos in my world! I quickly became very fearful, unsure what came next. I started feeling insecure about what I was doing, and with that came lots of doubts!

I found myself sitting in my car crying out to God asking Him “what the heck am I doing?!” I quickly found myself doubting what I thought was to be the ‘right’ thing.

As I was trying to figure this all out, and with more and more doubts creeping in, I began to throw myself my out private pity party! Poor ME! I began to wear the sin that walked in; I wore the cone of shame, the name tag victim, and the lanyard of guilt. Not wanting to put forth the effort to reach out, I had no one to turn to and I felt utterly alone!

So what was supposed to be this amazing summer, walking with God, working with youth quickly went down the drain and I was ready to give up!!

So jump back to Sarah’s post: “Stop regarding man in whose nostril is breath, for what account is he?” –Isaiah 2:22 // realizing the depth of His jealousy for me & His genuine desire to be with me. If you want to know, too, read through the book of Isaiah.” 

If I’m going to be real honest, I heard the term in a song once or twice and knew what it meant; but I thought this was a joke! Jesus, jealous for me? Seriously?? No way, I am full of too much sin and ugliness and shame; there is no way He can be jealous!

A week passed and I could not shake her post. I went back to her post daily, sometimes twice. I knew God was trying to speak to me; sadly I was too far into my pity party to hear him.

One night I found myself lying in bed wide awake, knowing I have a 5:30 AM wakeup call quickly approaching. After hours of tossing and turning, praying I would fall asleep, Jesus placed it on my heart to go read Isaiah. I don’t know if you know this or not, but the book of Isaiah has 66 chapters! That’s a whole lot!!!!

Let me tell ya, as miserably tired as I was the next day; I would not ever trade that night for anything in the world. Jesus met me there!

You see, Isaiah contains some of the most incredible prophecies, in my opinion. It contains foreknowledge, in incredible details about the Messiah, and the future reign of Jesus Christ. The purpose of the book of Isaiah was to call God’s nation, the nation of Judah, back to faithfulness and to declare the coming “Immanuel”. God calls and commissions His prophet to declare to Judah and Israel condemnation, conviction, and ultimately great hope.

Isaiah points out the sins of both North and South Kingdoms. He declares punishment to these kingdoms and all the surrounding nations, “Wash yourselves, make yourselves clean; Remove the evil of your deeds from my sight Cease to do evil” (1:16). He proclaims great hope of the coming Savior, “Therefore the Lord Himself will give you a sign: Behold, a virgin will be with child and bear a son, and she will call His name Immanuel” (7:14),

Isaiah continues to proclaim, “There is no God beside Me”.  There is also another foretelling of the Messiah, who will come and bring new life through His death, “He was oppressed and He was afflicted, Yet He did not open His mouth; Like a lamb that is led to slaughter, and like a sheep that is silent before its shearers, So He did not open His mouth” (53:7).

Towards the end of the book, Isaiah writes of the new Heavens and Earth, that this is that great reward for all those who trust and obey God. He proclaims the hope for the afflicted and judgment for the evil. “For behold, I create new heavens and a new earth; and the former things will not be remembered or come to mind” (65:17).

Needless to say, I was a leaky faucet that night! Isaiah was really frustrated that his people were ‘okay’ with watching the wickedness of the world take over.  They knew his people knew better than to let that happen. After realizing that, I saw a couple things, in order, take place. I saw how disappointed He is that I am sitting in my sin; that I am not repenting of my sin. If I’m not repenting, I’m not allowing Jesus in to come clean it up.

I saw how badly he wants me to come to him (1:18). The sin and shame that I have held onto so deeply, He wanted me to stop carrying it and place it at his feet. I saw the depths of his love for me. I saw how jealous He was. He hates that I give all my attention to the things I worry about. He hates to see me hold onto what hurts me. He hates to see me sit in my pity. He hates that I struggle with all of these things.

Jesus WANTS me to give it all to Him. He doesn’t want me to struggle, worry, or hurt. He wants me to fulfill the life He has planned for me; and I cannot do that by holding onto the past. Isaiah 1: 18 says to “forget the former things; do not dwell of the past”

Once I came to the depths of His love for me, I quickly saw the magnitude of mercy and grace He has had over my life. He has protected me and not allowed the complete wickedness of the world consume me.

After reading and studying the book of Isaiah, all the doubts that formed, the lack of faith, the pity parties, and the self doubt, God spoke to me. We weren’t made to wear the titles that the world has placed on us: victim, ugly, liar, fearful, shameful, prideful, the list goes on; that is no longer who we are. God has far greater plans for my life as well as yours.

We are sons and daughters of the most high!